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This song is about something that's not really an animal, but it's certainly more than a mere vegetable. Flanders and Swann proudly present: The WompomYou can do such a lot with a Wompom, You can use every part of it too. For work or for pleasure, It's a triumph, it's a treasure, Oh there's nothing that a Wompom cannot do. Now the thread from the coat of the Wompom Has the warmth and resilience of Wool You need never wash or brush it, It's impossible to crush it And it shimmers like the finest sort of tulle. So our clothes are all made from the Wompom; Modern Gowns, Sportswear, Lingerie (Going up) They are waterproof and plastic Where it's needed they're elastic And they emphasise the figure as you see. Hail, to thee blithe Wompom. Hail, to thee O Plant! All-providing Wompom. Universal Aunt! You can shave with the rind of a Wompom, And it acts like a soapless shampoo. And its root in little doses Keeps you free from halitosis Oh, there's nothing that a Wompom cannot do, Nothing that a Wompom cannot do, Nothing that a Wompom cannot do. Now the thick inner shell of a Wompom You can mould with a finger and thumb. Though soft when you began it It'll set as hard as granite And it's quite as light as aluminium. So we make what we like from the Wompom, And that proves very useful indeed. From streets full of houses To the buttons on your trousers With a Wompom you have everything you need. Gaudeamus Wompom, Gladly we salute! Vade mecum Wompom, Philanthropic Fruit! Oh, the thin outer leaf of the Wompom Makes the finest Havana cigar And its bottom simply bristles With unusual looking thistles But we haven't yet discovered what they are. You can do such a lot with a Wompom, You can use every part of it too. For work or for pleasure, It's a triumph, it's a treasure, Oh there's nothing that a Wompom cannot do. Oh, the flesh in the heart of a Wompom Has the flavour of porterhouse steak. And its juice is a liquor That will get you higher quicker And you're still lit up next morning when you wake. Wompom! Wompom! Let your voices ring! Wompom! Wompom! Evermore we sing! To record what is what in a Wompom Needs a book twice as thick as Who's Who I could tell you more and more about this fascinating flora You can shape it, you can square it, You can drape it you can wear it, You can ice it, You can dice it, You can pare it, You can slice it, Oh there's nothing that a Wompom cannot do! Nothing that a Wompom cannot do! Nothing that a Wompom cannot do! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Originally from the album 'The Bestiary of Flanders and Swann'. |
